Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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