So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
