Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
