He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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