Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
