listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
