ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
