he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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