Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
