Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
