Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She even gives head with a lisp.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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