i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
