dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
