and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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