I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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