I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
