Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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