No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
