I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
