textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i need some magic done to my vagina
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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