i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
