Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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