Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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