i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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