I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
