just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
