If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
