How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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