the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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