Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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