I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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