i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
