I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Randomize
