what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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