I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
