he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to make out with him forever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
