Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
