every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
