I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
