what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
