I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
3pm strippers are depressing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
