if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
