i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
