you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
