it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
