woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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