I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
