I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
