I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
