If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
