I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Farmville is her only friend.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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